The world hit a million Coronavirus cases today.

The United States is adding 25,000+ cases a day. And hasn’t even hit the horrifying time when these new cases are changing to new deaths.

You know why? Because it takes a long time to die from the Coronavirus. As an asthmatic, I know what it’s like gasping for air. It’s terrifying. Waiting five minutes for my inhaler to work feels like an hour. That’s how these people are dying… gasping for breath FOR WEEKS. Scared and secluded. Unable to be consoled by their loved ones because they are the ones in real isolation. Most are unable to say goodbyes. The death penalty is more humane.

These patients all had plans and bills too. To do lists. Calendars with due dates and appointments, birthday parties, church events, celebrations and obligations. Just like yours.

What are you doing? Get your ass in your house. Stay there until it’s clear society has beat this. And don’t let anyone in your house either. We are all inconvenienced by this. We all are having financial worries. We all are worried about getting food. We are all bored. This isn’t happening to you. It’s happening to us. And you aren’t pulling your weight.

An unfortunate truth is that this virus can not be negotiated with. I’m so sick of hearing… I only do this….I only do that. The excepts, and buts and negotiations are going to kill you or someone else. It’s egocentric, and (I’m just going to say it), American.

Suck it up, America. Your ignorance and down right dangerous selfishness is being watched by the rest of the world and frankly, we are disgusted.

I lost it yesterday.  The heaviness was too much for my shoulders.  The grief of my dog, my country and the world overwhelmed every cell in my body.  I feel vulnerable all of the time.  There isn’t enough I can do to protect my husband, my daughter and myself.  And on top of it, I am more “home-sick” than I have ever been.  The longer predictions of when life will return to normal, the longer it will be until I see my family.

And then I woke up this morning and felt better.  I hugged my husband and danced with my daughter.  We took the long route when we walked our two pups.  I baked a butternut squash to make into soup.  This evening, Dolly Parton is going to read Squirms her night time story.  The air is crisp and clean.  The sky is just about a blue as you can ever imagine.

I fell apart last night.  Love and gratititude put me back together today.